No doubt about it, a good marriage can have an uplifting effect on both partners. Love is certainly the key ingredient for true happiness to flourish. The glow exhibited by newlyweds cannot be bought in a bottle. The bride is cheerful, happy and full of expectations, while the groom smiles easily convinced it is the right choice. I have been to many weddings and I always do wish the couples the best of luck considering the top 10 reasons for divorce in America today.
The top reasons people fall in love can usually be traced to the reasons they divorce. Nowadays, people expect love from a well crafted profile online in one of the many dating sites. The bar scene is even more atrocious as alcohol numbs the senses and creates temporary pheromones that would eventually wear off. I have heard all the divorce stories and the simply growing apart syndrome. I would also take a closer look at the incompatibility communication issues and I dear to say that in most cases, the growing apart was apparent before the lavish ceremony.
From my experience, some of the reasons people divorce are usually masked in rage, jealousy, sexual incompetence, childhood upbringing symptoms and sometimes financial problems. Couples are like politicians, they avoid telling each other the real truth by sugar coating the major disagreements until they become unsolvable, leading to the increase in divorce statistics in America. Let us look at some of the top 10 reasons for Divorce in America today:
Causes of Divorce: Couples Communication
Communication is a two way street and the lack of it in a marriage can be the foundation for breakup. Couples sometimes forget to be clear in what they want or expect from their partner. Simply assuming your wife or husband would know what you mean, is just not good enough anymore.
It is alarming when i hear the personal relationship details people discuss with friends or co-workers on the train, bus, restaurants etc. We all have an enate desire to feel good by framing the issues in a way more favorable to us. Remember communication problems in a marriage can only be resolved by active listening and looking at issues from both sides of the coin. Lack of proper communication in any relationship will lead to our next reasons for Divorce issue.
Causes of Divorce: Infidelity
After communication breakdown, infidelity is usually the next phase in a relationship in a downward spiral. Unfortunately, people have a need to be listened to and agreed with. The guy would break the vow of marriage when he meets another that would just accept him as he his and provide good sexual release.
A woman on the other hand, would first fool around emotionally before the actual physical act. Cheating in a marriage is more widespread in this age of instant gratification and damn the consequences generation. Infidelity will eventually lead to marriage dissolution because once you break the bond of marriage, it is hard to pretend it never happened.
Causes of Divorce: Substance Abuse
Substance abuse including alcohol abuse is one of the main reasons marriages fall apart. When one or both partners are hooked on drugs, the substance becomes the glue holding the marriage together. I have seen marriages fall apart when one partner decides to quit getting high. Once you taken away the glue, you’ll find that the marriage was built on false hope and divorce usually comes afterwards.
Causes of Divorce: Physical Abuse
Why would anyone stand for physical abuse in a marriage? Just check your local police precinct and the domestic abuse complaints numbers would shock you. I do believe physical abuse is passed on down from parents and once it starts, it never ends until the marriage union is dissolved freeing the offending partner to go searching for new victims.
Causes of Divorce: Financial problems
Yes, money makes all marriages possible. It buys comfort and peace of mind and without enough money some couples would just breakup. Why do you think more divorces are filled during economic meltdowns like we’ve been experiencing in the last few years. It is sad to say, but people do marry for the money and once it is gone the marriage falls apart under other false pretences.
Causes of Divorce: Household Tasks
This is a major issue in some marriages. I believe people stick to tradition when it comes to household chores. Mommy did all the chores; expect the son to look for same responsibility in a wife. Daddy was always helping mommy cook and clean; expect the daughter to look for same help in a husband. Couples usually leave this issue alone until after marriage and by then it might be too late as they’re both entrenched in parental upbringing positions.
Causes of Divorce: Having or Rearing Children
Failing to agree upfront about having kids, can lead to major arguments and sometimes the reason used for divorce. I have seen some couples say let nature take it’s course and then later realize the other partner is adamant about having or not wanting children. Best to iron this thorny issue out before the big wedding or your marriage might not last.
Causes of Divorce: Nosey Parents or in-Laws
Some parents or in-laws sometimes over step what should otherwise be clear boundaries. I have seen couples fight over this issue. The concern of parents or in-laws is understandable, but rules should be created on how to deal with the prying ones. Know your partners parents and see if you both would need some arrangement as to what their involvement in both your marriage should be.
Causes of Divorce: Sexual Incompatibility
This is a real problem in most failing marriages. One partner likes exploring new sexual positions, while the other prefer the stationary bike tried and true position. Unless both partners are looking to explore sexually, the union might be doomed from the beginning.
Causes of Divorce: Religious Beliefs
Do not discount the power of the adage; like attracts like, when it comes to religious issues. If you strongly believe in God and you marry someone with an extensional view, the problems would soon become very apparent in your relationship. I knew this couple that lived close by to me and the wife decided out of the blue, to join the Wicca church. The husband was devastated and I watched as the marriage dissolved into constant squabbles and eventually the main reason for the breakup.
I am sure some of you would know other reasons and please do put them down in the comments section. I just wanted to point out crucial points to all those in love and seeking marriage. Assume your partner would not change as you make your decision to hitch your wagon to theirs. Look closely at his or her parents and assume that would be your life in a few years.
I looked at ten divorced couples and some important facts cannot be ignored as the ten divorced couples all came from divorced homes. Marriage is a wonderful and most beautiful thing, if you can find a true partner that completes you. But do not ignore the top 10 reasons for Divorce before you finally say I DO!